As you can guess, my sisters bridal shower went off somewhat without a hitch. These things have a way of working out don't they? I've been providing a generic answer to people when they ask me how it went. "Oh, it was fun! My sister had a great time, thanks!" She did, but did I? Read more to find out!
I left my quiet tranquil home with two screaming cats, (obviously not happy about being stuffed in carriers), a lazy beagle, my entire closet (a girl needs options), shower gifts, projects and a multitude of party decorations. After loading everything into the car I was ready for a huge coffee, and would of loved to just walk back into my apartment and snuggle in my down comforter and forget my cares! As I headed down to Rhode Island, I had a little over an hour to sit back and contemplate the events yet to be unfolded.
First stop was dropping the hoarse voiced cats at my mothers house. After dealing with my separation guilt I proceeded to stop at my Mom's store which she's owned for a number of years. Here is where the creation of the shower centerpieces had commenced. Upon walking in I immediately felt like my lazy beagle got more of a welcome then I did. Signs of things to come? After all, my mother and I had been bickering for weeks about these very centerpieces.
The smell of flowers hit me as if I was walking into a funeral home, and my sinuses instantly reacted with a cracker of a headache. Looking around I noticed that finally someone actually did order the correct sized vases. My joy was short lived as I saw the billowing flower arrangements hanging out of them.
Now don't get me wrong, I was grateful that one of my Aunts graciously volunteered her time to create the flower arrangements, while my Mother and another Aunt assisted. I truly did appreciate them working hard, but I was incredibly disappointed. What happened to my coral orange roses and tight modern bunches? The colors I chose so obviously match a fall theme and theirs did not! Why were they deciding to not use my chocolate brown ribbon to go around the vase? The flowers would of been prefect if the shower was out in a garden, and had a spring theme. White hydrangeas with pink centers filled the vases, with tropical dark green leaves arranged around them. Bunches of pink and green hued forest berries were mixed into the arrangement, and spouting out of the top were purple calalillies and actual tree branches. The 5x5cube vases were lined with banana leafs and the bottoms were filled with river rocks in earthy colors of browns and sands.
They had even created a "special" centerpiece for the brides table. A ridiculously tall, monstrous version of the before mentioned design. It reminded me of a volcano eruption. You know the way the smoke billows out of the mountain and stays in the air, but with tropical leaves and tree bark instead of ash and fire.
Dumbfounded, I felt the desire to drag my mother into the storage room and stuff her into a FedEx box which would ship to China overnight. But instead, I swallowed my tongue and sadly began to imagine my sisters reaction to these arrangements. I let my mind think about the months and months of conversations on design, flower colors, vases, and remember Mom, "the bride does not want green stuff in her centerpieces, just modern, clean, and chic arrangements", boil over into my brain. I felt my ideas were completely dismissed, and they had chosen colors and styles that were the polar opposite of mine. I felt like I was a six year old wondering why Mommy and Daddy had decided to redecorate the Christmas tree after I went to bed.
![J0440660[1]](http://weddingtherapy.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54eeb4dd588330120a59c2796970c-120wi)
Maybe this is a classic case of a mother, daughter power struggle? Is it just that they thought they knew best? Why did everyone ignore me? Maybe it's the artist in me that feels rejected? I sent example pictures, sketched a table design and spent a lot of money on linens and decorations for nothing! I was completely not heard at all. I worked hard on my ideas, and my sister hands down is one of the most important people in my life. How could they not see I was thinking whole heartily about her and what her likes and dislikes are? They were just going to do what they wanted regardless.
I see it now more then ever that these patterns have always existed in my relationship with my mother and her side of the family. When stress, and a pinch of control issues are added into the mix, the problems and issues you have with them are amplified. It baffles me that just because they happen to be the mother or older relative, your "child" status allows them to justify their actions. I will always appear childistic to them and they will always believe that their relationship is justification to trump me. It makes sense especially because we've all hear phrases, "Because I said so", and "Because I'm your mother".
I left them with a sense of defeat and drove away with my ribbon and glue gun in tow. When I arrived at my betrothed sisters home I felt like I let her down. When my twin sister arrived I was surrounded by their supportive glances and told them my story. I then showed them some secret pictures I had snapped with my cell phone of the flowers. A funny thing happened at that moment. After we had bashed the flower makers enough and exhausted our brains for reasons why they are so out of the modern loop, our annoyance turned into humor. Before you knew it we were in hysterics over the whole experience. The next day we ran errands, got our nails done and had fun together. It was like old times spending the weekend with my sisters again, laughing, joking and making fun of things that we couldn't control. With them I am never under appreciated or thought of as inferior. Family should never dismiss you simply because they outrank you in the hierocracy of your birth.
On Sunday, August 9th,
Corey arrived to her bridal shower which was filled with family, friends and vases of evil hydrangeas. The tables were a mix of my design and the shall I say politely, an 1980's flair, thanks to the napkin folds, paper doilies, and centerpieces. Overall, most guests seemed to like the flowers, as they were not aware of the drama that unfolded in the creation of them. It was a good mix of modern chic, and old school wedding. One thing is for sure, the bride received all the honor she deserved. I received a thank you card from her a few days ago which said, "I can't thank you enough for everything you've done. Besides the aggravation, the day was perfect. It couldn't have been better."
